Day #58

... just for the record... still nothing.

*shrug* I don't know.

Anyways.

So I was suppose to lose some weight over the last month, according to my psychiatrist. (I'm not entirely sure why my weight is any concern of his... but whatever.) And I haven't. In fact, I've gained, like, 3lbs. I was talking to my aunt about this, and she said it was probably my medicine. I've been on it for a year now... and over the course of that year, I've gained 35lbs. And I'm almost positive it has nothing to do with my eating habits because I've been careful about what I eat still. I don't eat a lot... no more than 1900-2000 calories a day. So it's not like I'm even going over the suggested daily limit for women who want to LOSE weight. I'm eating less than the calories they recommend for maintaining weight... and WAY below the amount they recommend for gaining weight.

If you look at the one thing that has changed in my system over the last year, it's the medicine. So I did a little research. It's not terribly uncommon to gain weight with Abilify... and I'd be willing to bet that percentage is a little higher in reality. According to most places I look, Lamictal doesn't cause weight gain in patients. SO. That leaves all fingers pointing at Abilify.

As a result, I stopped taking it (completely) a few days ago. It wasn't my "main" medicine anyways... which is the Lamictal. I'm still taking the Lamictal... and weaning myself off of it slowly. Hopefully, I'll see a little difference over the next two months being off of the Abilify. Even 5lbs. LOST would be a welcome change.

Until later... :)

Hi there.

Day #52 here... still nothing.

*le sigh*

In other news... I'm almost officially done with Summer Session I. I have one more class on Wednesday... and it's only for a final exam. Summer Session II starts on Monday, July 27th, though. So I don't get a break, really. But it'll be worth it to be done with everything at the end of August. Gosh... it's an odd thought... 'Being done with college.' Just... wow. I can't wait!

But then the fun begins of trying to find a real job. Mr. H. and I have talked about this enough already... so I don't really wanna talk about it anymore here. It stresses me out a bit... and I don't need anymore stress right now.

I know it's a bit premature, but we're already looking at potential names. We've only looked at girl names so far... but here are the ones in the lead:

• Finley (though Mr. H. isn't crazy about this one... but I'm going to try my best to make him like it because I adore it)
• Arie
• Lexi
• Isobel
• Bailey
• Payton
• Jaycee
• Jillian

We have a really hard time agreeing on names. It's our biggest challenge, actually. I went through just about every letter of the alphabet (using a trusty iPhone app. for baby names)... and those are the only ones we agreed on (with the exception of Finley, of course). But like I said... it's a bit premature to really be talking about names... but it's still fun.

Anyways. Off to find a snack. I'm having a sweet tooth attack.

Some of my favorites.

Still nothing to report on TTC. I'm still waiting for my next cycle to begin. So, in the meantime, I would like to post a few of my Etsy favorites! (All maternity/baby/pregnancy related, of course.)

• Belly bands. I didn't have anything like this with my first pregnancy... but I think they would come in handy. Esp. in the beginning when you're too big for regular jeans, but the maternity jeans are still too baggy.
• Fisherman Wrap Pants! Pregnant or not... I want these. How incredibly comfortable do these pants look?
• The Purple Pantry has some of the cutest (and inexpensive!) baby hats!
• Whole Grain Baby... adorable ADORABLE clothes!
• Damask slings by Small Wish. I really really wish I had known about the great world of slings with S.J.
• Jelly Bean Apparel has some of the best maternity shirts.
• Kathy Neilsen has some great baby hats, too!
• Posh Pads are great for nursing Moms! They are organic bamboo nursing pads that come in some really great colors!
• I just had to get these in here... pickle and ice cream earrings by Modern Mama.
• This felted pregnant mama doll is just great. I love everything that Enchanted Gypsy does.
• The Spoiled Mama has some great natural care products for Mamas and Mamas-to-Be.
• Belly to Baby is another store that specializes in natural care products for pregnancy and beyond.
• I've seen this done on TV and think it would be a lot of fun--Pregnancy Belly Blessing Henna Mehndi Kit.

Those are a few of my favorite things. :) Hope you liked them, too!

I have a theory.

I think I might have an idea on why I've still not started my next cycle. (Yes... still nothing... and we're on day #45 now.)

When we are under stress, regardless of the source (danger, personal relationships, work, environment) our adrenal glands are designed to secrete the hormone cortisol. Cortisol has a direct impact on the sex hormones estrogen, progesterone, and DHEA. Eating disorders, dieting, drug use, and reliance on stimulants like caffeine and alcohol are also interpreted by the body as kinds of stress. Poor nutrition seems to physically change the proteins in the brain so they can no longer send the proper signals for normal ovulation.

I found that here.

And that all makes sense. Right around the time I was due for my period, my doctor suggested I start a diet to shed some extra pounds I'd put on over the past year. It was really stressing me out because I dropped down to 1200 calories a day... which was a huge drop from what I was use to intaking during a day.

Also around that same time, I started my summer classes... which also stressed me out. I had two classes... one that ran 5 days a week for two weeks (and had 3 major tests during those two short weeks!).

AND. As if those two things weren't enough already... I lowered my medicine dosage, too.

I'm thinking that was enough stress to cause a cycle skip.

But, of course, there's no real way to know for sure. I'm just making an educated guess. I figure, if my theory is accurate, that I'll get my next period anywhere from day #56-#60. I'm really hoping it doesn't go up to day #70... because that'd just be insane. (And make me insane in the process.)

So I just wait... impatiently, I assure you. I hate not understanding my body.

Day #44...

... and still nothing...

*le sigh*

And I'm not having a good day today. I'm frustrated... I'm irritated... I'm agitated... I'm all kinds of blah.

It's like I'm suffering PMS... without the M part ever showing up.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better and make more sense.

Potentially a TMI post...

I'm so frustrated.

So I started temping back on June 27th (which was cycle day #33!). I temp every morning around 6:30-6:45 when I wake up Mr. H. for work.

My temps have been nice and consistent... staying in the range of 97.0 to 96.8. (With the exception of the first two days where they were 97.3 and 97.2, respectively.)

When I started temping, I expected to get my period that day or the next day... since my cycle is typically 33 to 35 days in length. So day #33 came and went... as did #34... and #35... and #36...

And today, on day #42, I still have nothing to show for it. How am I suppose to get a feel for my cycles and ovulation and all that jazz if I never get a fresh cycle started?

*le sigh*

And no... I'm not already pregnant. Even though I knew I couldn't have been, I took a test anyways ... and got a negative, of course.

But seriously... it's driving me insane. I am wondering if it has something (anything!) to do with me cutting down my dosages on my medications...? (I dropped my dosage on cycle day #35...)

I just... don't know.

*grumble*

As the world turns...

*le sigh*

It's been a long few days.

I was hoping and praying that coming off of my medication would be an easy task... and that I wouldn't have any negative side effects. However, the last couple of days have been a bit of a challenge.

Granted, things could be a lot worse... and I'm still hoping and praying they don't get to that point.

Mainly, though, I'm very irritable. Little things are setting me off in a big way... and it's harder to keep my cool. The first two or three days on the decreased amount was fine... and I was thinking to myself, "Hey... this isn't going to be hard at all." But on about the fourth day, I started to notice a difference. Like I said, it could be a lot worse. But it's not fun, regardless. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's just the withdrawal process... and to remain calm. Breathe in... breathe out... count to ten... that kinda thing.

Other than that, things are going well. I finished up one of my classes yesterday (Medical Terminology)... and I'm certain I got no less than a 95 on the final exam... (which will leave me with an overall A for the course). There were only about 2-3 terms that I was confused about... and basically guessed on. The rest I knew for certain.

So that's good... and I only have 6 more weeks of summer classes. Then I'll be D-O-N-E. No more college for me after that... which is pure bliss. But then the fun starts of trying to find a job. I am going to aim for one that's based at home. (I'll be doing an assortment of medical transcription and coding.) But, I'm not opposed to working in an office. However, I'd just much rather be at home doing the work... especially with a pregnancy on the horizon. I won't even need much of a maternity leave if I can do my work at home... and only have to check into the office minimally. Keep your fingers crossed!

In other news:

• My pregnancy journal came the other day... and it's a great lil' book! It's much more involved than my first one. This one allows me to update on a weekly basis instead of monthly... and has a place for weekly belly shots. With my first pregnancy, I took monthly belly shots... and I'm so glad we did. It's really special to look back on now.
  
• I started crocheting preemie hats for the local NICU's today. I have been meaning to do this for quite some time, but I haven't had the time nor will-power to do so. But I found a pattern the other day for a "10 minute preemie hat"... so today, on my day off from classes, I decided to try it out. Even though it takes me 17 minutes to make one, it's still the best pattern I've found. And it'll allow me to use up a lot of my stashed yarn (which is massive!).
• Speaking of crocheting, I started a neutral baby blanket for the future bean. It's dark red, olive green and chocolate brown... in stripes. The yarn is cotton (my favorite type of yarn!). I'm loving it... and am seriously thinking about making a full-sized one in the same colors for myself! (See photo for the beginnings of future bean's blanket.)
  

Anyways... that's about it for now. Have a great 4th of July holiday! And be safe!

Blargh.

I have a headache. It's probably not helping that S.J. is pounding on paint cans with a screwdriver right now.

*grumble*

But. On the good side of things, I got a lot done in the dining room today! It is my goal to get the dining room completely done (painted!) this week and coming weekend. Today I managed to get all the scraping done... and wiped down the baseboard. Tomorrow I sand everything then wipe it all down again.

(This is the current state of the dining room once I pulled just about everything out of it. This is basically how it was when we bought it. We've only ran new wiring in this room and added a new ceiling fan. So far, as you can see, I've scraped the trim and made a small test splotch on the wall. I really dislike the light yellow paint that's in there right now. It makes the room way too bright... and doesn't go well with the fireplace. I wanted a nice, warm color... so we're painting this room "toffee." Once everything's painted, we're going to put a nice cover over the fireplace, too, since we have no plans on ever actually using it.)

When we bought our house 9 months ago, we knew it needed work... but I had no idea we'd still be working on it almost a year later. But we've come so far with this house that it almost looks like a completely different place. And more importantly, we've made it a home. But wow... we've done lots of work... and still quite a bit to do.

Another goal of mine is to have the downstairs completely done by September. The main reason being I want to be able to help Mr. H. get the biggest portion of work done before I get pregnant (hopefully!). The other reason being that if we get everything done downstairs and put back together, we can have S.J.'s birthday party at the house instead of at the park. We had her party at the park last year and everyone was hot and miserable... and the park was already so full of people that we could only find one empty table... which didn't fit everyone. So... it would be ideal to finish the downstairs before then so we can have the party here... inside... without bugs and heat... and with plenty of places for people to sit down. (It'll also be nice to have a bathroom readily available.)

Ok. Time for me to go find some headache medicine. *ouch*

My medications.

In addition to having to wean myself off of caffeine (which is going to be a tough road by itself), I'm also going to have to wean myself off of my current medications.

My current list of medications that I take daily:

• 100mg of Lamotrigine (generic version of Lamictal)
• 1mg of folic acid
• 10mg of Abilify
• 1 prenatal vitamin
• 1 packet of Cholestyramine powder (generic version of Questran)

With the exception of the prenatal vitamin, I will have to stop taking all of those before I get pregnant. (Right now I'm taking more than is recommended in folic acid to combat any potential birth defects the Lamotrigine and Abilify are known for causing. Once I am off those, I can drop back down to the recommended dosage that can be found in prenatal vitamins.)

The Lamotrigine and Abilify (for my Bipolar II Disorder) are going to be the tricky ones to come off of. A lot of places that I've researched online speak of how big of a pain the withdrawal is from those two medicines.

When I first started taking them, the dosage was very small... and was slowly increased to where it's at right now... which, thankfully, aren't very high dosages at all. So in order to come off of them, I have to reverse the order... by slowly decreasing my amount taken over the next two months.

Today I drop down to 50mg from 100mg of Lamotrigine... and down to 5mg from 10mg of Abilify. Then, after a month of doing that, I cut the dosage in half again... ride that out for another month before completely removing it from my system. Following this schedule, I'll have all the medicines out of my system by the first of September.

(As far as the Cholestyramine is concerned, I've not read anywhere that this medication is the "weaning type." I can just stop taking this one cold turkey without any negative side effects. So I can keep taking this for the next two months for my stomach troubles related from having my gallbladder removed in March of 2005.)

So that's my plan of action for now. I'm really hoping and praying that it's an easy withdrawal... and that I don't have any of the really bad side effects I've read about. (Most people complain of severe irritability... headaches... nausea... depression...) However, I would rather experience those bad effects than potentially harm my baby.

If anyone has any advice or experience in coming off of these medications, please feel free to comment. I'd love to hear from you!

It's me again.

In addition to keeping this online journal (which I'll print out and bind after I've had the baby), I like to keep a "real" journal, too. Whenever I had our daughter, S.J., I kept an online journal... and wrote in this one, too.

This time will be no different.

In fact... I've already ordered my next pregnancy journal.

The Belly Book!

Speaking of things I've bought, I've also already ordered 25 pregnancy test strips. *grin* You can't beat the price--$6.49! That's way cheaper than the Dollar Store brand... AND... it detects a lower level of hCG (20 mIU/mL).

Since this next pregnancy will be my last, I'm going to go all out... and do the things I didn't get the chance to do with S.J. (like a belly cast and maternity pictures, for example).

I'd also like to have my mom more involved. Even though she was in the room when S.J. was born, up until that point she'd not really been a big part of my pregnancy. She didn't feel the baby move... nor did she go to any of my doctor's appointments (my grandmother went to almost every one of them with me, actually). This next time I want Mom to be there more... and be a bigger part of my pregnancy. I think it's important for a daughter to have her mother there with her... helping her and guiding her through a very important part of her life.

Just like the last time we were trying to conceive, we're not sharing the news with anyone until after we've had a (few!) positive home pregnancy test(s) and after our first doctor's appointment (that way we're sure everything is okay). But. Because of that fact, this journal is my only outlet to talk about my adventures in TTC. So it'll probably fill up quickly before I've even gotten pregnant. But that'll be nice to look back on later, I think. If nothing else, it keeps me from driving the husband crazy with constant baby talk. :)

It begins here.

My first entry into my maternity/pregnancy blog.

But I must admit. I'm not pregnant... yet.

But we're working on that.

Right now we're in the beginning phase of planning... charting... and lots and lots of praying.

We know for sure that we're going to actively start trying in September. Until then it isn't a good time for me to be pregnant... because being pregnant means I'll be sick (more than likely... since I was with our first child)... and unable to finish school like I need to. But once my final classes are over in the end of August, it's on.

Until then I plan to get familiar with my cycle by charting... eating better (wean myself off of caffeine, primarily)... starting my prenatal vitamins... and just generally getting my body ready to grow another human again.

Fun times are ahead, kids... fun times. :)