A low day.

CD 12. No sign of ovulating anytime soon. The monitor is trucking along with only low readings so far. Today was test stick day #7. No CM really, either. I think this will take awhile this month. I just hope it's not a really long cycle like I've been known to have (ie: more than 40 days long...).

I'm feeling very low at the moment emotionally, too. Everyone's pregnant or getting pregnant. I work in a pharmacy... and every single day I'm there, I see at least 1 or 6 pregnant women. One regular customer even came in last week to announce she's pregnant... only so she'd get her medical card back. And... to make it worse... "it didn't take that long at all!" I wanted to sneek off to slice my wrists in the bathroom. (Not seriously... but you get the picture.)

I just feel so empty. I see all those swollen pregnant bellies... and feel so lonely. I look down at my flat (empty) belly... and feel tears swell in my eyes. At night I hold my belly and feel an ache in my heart. I miss the baby I never got to know... and I long to feel another baby move in my belly.

I'm trying to remain strong... but it's getting so hard. When will it be my turn (for real)...?

CD 2... finally.

I never thought I'd be so glad to see Aunt Flo arrive as I was yesterday.

I had really given up any hope that "things" would ever return to normal. (Yeah, that's being overly dramatic. I mean, I KNEW they'd EVENTUALLY go back to normal... whatever that is.) But yesterday proved me wrong. She came. And she was/is large and in-charge.

And kicking my butt.

I hurt in places I didn't even know I had.

But, that's okay. This is necessary to cleanse my body and get it prepared for full-on baby making this month.

This month I'm using my monitor. I haven't decided if I'm doing the OPK's this month or not. I'm leaning towards no... and just the monitor and perhaps temping. We'll see. But no Clomid. No bloodwork out the ying-yang. No 10-12-14-16-18 day schedule. Just going with the flow.

Let's rock.

Happy New Year!

And baby dust to all who need it to make 2011 your (and my!) year!