Think positive. Be positive. Please remain positive.

Yesterday morning was one of the happiest days of my life. I woke up. Took a pregnancy test. Carried it downstairs to the laundry room to switch loads while it developed. Then looked at it.

It was positive.

Two lines. The control was really dark blue. And the test line was faint, but very visible. I didn't need to turn it just right in the light to see it. I could see it by just looking at it.

(Sorry about the awful photo... I don't have photo editing software on my laptop.)

After 10 months of trying to conceive (really, really trying), I almost couldn't believe my eyes.

For a few minutes, I debated on holding the news in and telling the husband later in some special sort of way. But I couldn't. I went upstairs, flipped the lights on in the bedroom and showed it to him.

Saying we were over the moon is an understatement.

I got dressed... went to work... shared my news... and began my day.

By 11am, I was spotting heavier. I had been spotting light brown for 2 days already... but it began to turn a bit pinker. I started to shake.

By 12:30, I could feel myself spotting more. I went to the bathroom. I wiped. It was red. I panicked.

I told my boss I was leaving because something wasn't right. I called my doctor's office on the way home, and they told me to come in to have my levels checked.

By this point, I'm crying so much I can barely breathe. I feel like someone has stolen my sunshine.

After having my blood taken, I came home and had to pass the next 3 hours before I could find out my initial hCG level. At 4pm I called back... my hCG level is 20. They tell me that's actually indicitive of 1-2 weeks... which is how long I've been "technically" pregnant... not counting the first 2 weeks before ovulation.

I actually speak to my doctor around 7:30pm when she's able to call me back. She tells me that bleeding is actually common in early pregnancy... and that it could be a couple different things causing it. She said they won't know anything until the 48-hour repeat on the hCG level... which is tomorrow around 1:30pm.

I didn't go to work today because I feel so utterly defeated. I keep going back and forth between trying to remain positive... and feeling like it's over. I have to remain positive, though. I have to. IT has to. The baby has to stay in there. Please.

I have been doing a ton of research on the web today as I stayed on the couch mostly. I came across something that has helped ease me more than anything else, I think... decidual bleeding. Apparently it's from a hormonal inbalance... and it causes the body to shed some of the uterine lining where the baby isn't attached. That will cause period-like bleeding, clots and some mild cramping. It's not a real period... just an inbalance of hormones. It usually doesn't cause harm to the pregnancy.

I'm praying that it's only that.

I also took another HPT tonight at 6:00pm. It was still positive... and, I think, a bit darker than yesterday morning's with first morning urine. I'm holding onto that being a good sign, too.

My cousin's friend had bleeding in her 2nd pregnancy early on. She went to the ER... and they even told her that it was a threatened miscarriage... and to prepare to lose the baby. Everything was fine, though... and baby Hunter is large and in charge, as my cousin assured me.

Universe... please let everything be okay tomorrow. Please let there still be a little baby growing inside of me... a healthy little baby that I'll be able to hold in my arms in August.

Please.