Womb status: Who knows?

I've cleaned all day. I've organized... I've sorted... I've swept... I've thrown out 3 bags of crap. As a result, my body is aching for a soothing shower and to crawl into bed.

In TTC news, I was sure I was going to ovulate around the same CD as last month, but it came and went without any temperature shift or + OPK. The OPK got a bit darker around CD 15... but it's not gotten that dark, dark line I need to call it +. Today is CD 22... and I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for a + OPK tomorrow.

If you've been following my blog, you'll know that we were aiming to get pregnant in March or April so that we could increase our chances of having a girl according to the Chinese Birth Chart... which, call my silly, I believe works. Well, I didn't get pregnant in March... but I still had a chance to get pregnant in April. It was cutting it close, but I was due to ovulate (if I mimicked last cycle's pattern) with a few days to spare. But, my body didn't do as it had last cycle... and, sitting on CD 22 on May 2nd, I still haven't ovulated. So, we're in "boy zone" from May through September.

So, knowing this... I've been doing some soul searching the last couple of weeks.

Maybe we're meant to have a boy.

Maybe, in the book of life, we're suppose to have precious daughter, SJ... and a baby Jack... not a baby Jillian.

I only wanted another girl because we "know" girls. We've been there before. We have stuff for a girl. We've raised SJ to almost 6 years old... knowing nothing but girl.

But I got to thinking. SJ's not a typical girl. She doesn't like baby dolls... or Barbies. She could care less if she's wearing a dress or a pair of jeans. She's not a girly-girl. She's more on the Tomboy side... like me. Who's to say if we had another daughter, that she'd be anything like that? She might be all drama and pink fluff. Which would put us out of our comfort zone just as much as a boy would.

Maybe it's not my place to pick and choose what we have... or to try and force it to be one way or the other. Maybe I'm just suppose to go with the flow... and let Mother Nature do what she intends to do.

So, with that... I turn it over to her. If I'm meant to have my Jillian, I trust that I'll have her... but, if not, I trust that I was suppose to have Jack instead... and that's A-OK with me. :)