Thursday, February 24, 2011


It's technically CD 37. But as each day passes lately, it's more like WTF...?

No sign of Aunt Flo... no sign of pregnancy... no sign of ovulation, really. NO SIGNS at ALL.

Instead of seeing a hint of what's going on, tho... I DO see pregnant women everywhere I look. At work. Contacts online. Facebook friends. Everywhere I look I see big, swollen bellies. Or fresh pink babies.

And, if all this infertility crap isn't enough to stress me out, work is making me insane. I feel like so much of my life is wasted at a job that won't make any difference to anyone. I feel like instead of an important part of the team, I'm only a convenience. It's convenient to have me there when no one else wants to work Friday nights. Every. Single. Friday. Night. It's a convenience to have me there because I can run the register while the important people do data entry... or overstocks & outdates. It's convenient to have me there... but not vital. But, dammit, that leaves me feeling pretty awful. I don't feel important. I don't feel needed. I don't feel like I make any difference. And this leaves me lacking motivation. This leaves me dreading going to work and, once I'm there, watching every single minute tick by. As those minutes crawl away, I long to be somewhere else... at home writing... spending real important time with my daughter... with my husband. I feel like I'm wasting my life being someone's convenience when I should be using that precious time being important to someone.

*le sigh*

Anyways. Back to my body. No clue what's going on. Maybe it's just my body's way of adjusting to my new medicine. My family practitioner did some bloodwork and put me on Sythroid. It's the lowest dose to start with... and, hopefully, that's the missing key. Once my next cycle starts, I'm going to do ONE MORE round of Clomid now that my body's healed and my uterus has repaired itself. So that's where I'm at now.


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