Back to the drawing board.

CD4 here.

Sigh.

I've not given up yet.

Today is CD 37... and 15 DPO. I've taken a HPT yesterday and today... both negatives.

This cycle was pretty craptastic. My bloodwork showed that although I technically ovulated, it was either late... or lousy. My progesterone level was only 1.8... as opposed to last month's 14.7. *le sigh* Libby wants to keep me at the 100mg dosage for next cycle though. She said upping it really only increases the bad aspects/side effects... like a higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy, a chemical pregnancy, cysts, engorged ovaries... you know, all those things they warn you about when you take Clomid. It only ups the chances of those things happening. Granted, it also ups the chance of a strong ovulation, but she doesn't think the risks outweigh that right now seeing as how my 100mg worked so well the first time I took that much. So, we're going to go 100mg one more round... and then she said she'll "re-evaluate." Honestly, I expect her to refer me to a specialist if another round fails. Sure, there's a chance I could be pregnant right now and simply had a late implantation... and therefore a later + HPT, but I don't know. I just feel like I'm not pregnant and that Aunt Flo is right around the corner. I really hope I'm wrong, though. It's getting harder and harder to put me and the husband through this each month. And now she wants him to go have a SA (sperm analysis). I told him to wait until I get my next cycle though... that way we don't waste money on a test that turns out we didn't need.

When we started TTC earlier in the year, I never imagined it would take us this long. It's going on 10 months now... and I don't feel like we're any closer to an answer or a pregnancy. It seems like instead of making progress each month, we are sitting stagnant with no answers as to why this isn't working this time. With SJ it only took 3 months. Three. We started TTC her in September of 2003... and got pregnant with the cycle that started Nov. 26, 2003. (Funny I can still remember that, huh?) We didn't need Clomid... or expensive monitors and blood tests... or Mucinex... or Preseed... or a SA... I temped for 2 months... then quit doing that because I didn't feel like I could make sense of any of it. Then the month I didn't chart, I got pregnant.

Maybe I'm trying too hard. What ever happened to climbing into the back of your boyfriend's car and getting knocked up...?

I'm still here.

And still not pregnant.

I was laying low this last cycle because things were going smoothly. I almost didn't want to go into details because I was afraid I'd somehow jinx myself. But, since getting a new cycle this morning... I figure I'll explain now.

I up'd my dose to 100mg this last cycle after a non-responsive cycle on 50mgs of Clomid. I got a positive OPK almost like clockwork... and then confirmed that + OPK with CD 21 bloodwork... and progesterone levels of 14.7!

Then the waiting game was cruel this time around. I had cramping like I haven't had before... and was thinking it was implantation cramps. But, alas, nope. I've gotten - HPT's the last couple of days and now Aunt Flo this morning. So... yeah.

But I go into cycle #8 feeling a little bit more confident. I know the 100mg works... and that I'll more than likely ovulate again on it. So I feel like we're actually standing a chance.

Now I just take my Clomid days 3-7... and wait.